MUMMY! I want to go HOME!

I don't suppose the ART GALLERY is any better?

Maybe I'm TOO OLD for this POETRY after all

Bore them to sleep with a STORY

Or here's a poem to be going on with

The Story of Myrtle Mouse (a silly poem for silly people) Dai Lowe, 1971(!) Myrtle Mouse lived in a hole With Freddy Frog and Monty Mole They had a party once a week Played blind-man's-buff and hide-and-seek Their friends came in from far and near To eat their cakes and drink their beer One morning Myrtle woke and said "I don't feel well: I'll stay in bed "That is, if you two boys don't mind." "Of course we don't," they said. "You're kind," Said Myrtle. "Now I … YAKABOO! "Oh dear — I've caught the Gobbledegoo." She seemed quite warm and getting hotter. Fred went for Doctor Water Otter, While Monty stayed with Myrtle, who Yelled "Itchy dingle dangle doo" And "Indy pindy pondy poo!" As mice who catch this illness do. Then Fred came in: "The Doctor's here." The Doctor said, "Well now, my dear, "Tell me, what seems to be the trouble?" Said Myrtle, "I … Hoy! Gubble-gubble! "I'm feeling tired and rather hot "And … piggy-poggy-loggy-mott!" Fred said, "We've kept her warm in bed, "But her knees are turning purplish-red." The water otter (funny geezer) Said, "Give her lots and lots of cheese; her "Favourite sort — I think that's Cheshire — "That should be good for her blood-pressure. "To stop her knees from turning puce "Give her lots of lemon juice. "She'll pick up in a week or so. "Now, Im afraid, I have to go." And so the days went by. The boys Got used to Mytle's weird noise. They knew they wouldn't catch it too For only mice get Gobbledegoo So Myrtle lay and shouted "Whee! "Nicky-nacky-nocky-nee." They gave her lots of Cheshire cheese And lemon juice, to help her knees. One night, as Monty drank his soup, He heard poor Myrtle cry out "Bloop! "Foddy-fuddy-faddy-fiddle "Tarradiddydarradiddle "Prippy-yippy-yip-yip-yip "Hooble-ooble-oible-glip "Diddy-daddy-dadgy-doi "Hoppy-oppy-oppy — HOI!!" She yelled like this for hours, while Fred And Monty sat beside her bed But in the morning she seemed brighter; Not so hot, her knees much lighter. The boys were sensible: they made Quite sure that little Myrtle stayed Tucked up in bed a few days longer Until she felt a good deal stronger. With Myrtle feeling hale and hearty The boys arranged a super party, With lots of food for every one And wine and sherry by the tun. Their list of shopping written down The two prepared to leave for town But, just as they were setting out, They heard their little mouse-friend shout, "Boys! While shopping, if you please, "NO lemon juice or Cheshire cheese!"

What AM I doing here?

Pssst, effendi ...
... not very dirty PICTURES?

Look up POETASTER in your Funk & Wagnall's